Sometimes I feel like Noah...

...when I'm sat there waiting to race and thinking 'I don't need a bike, what I could do with right now is an ark.'. Ok, it's only happened three times if I'm being honest, but it was (I thought) a nifty way of segwaying into talking about today's race, beginning with the conditions. I won't attempt to over-exaggerate said conditions to make your aware of just how tough/ard as nails/not a pansy/northern I am, I'll just say they were on the 'inclement' side of 'diabolical'. The only reason I mention these aforementioned conditions is to justify writing about today. I have seen far, far too many bloggers subjecting their readers to a punishing blow-by-gear change account of races that are, in the objective grand scheme of things, nothing important. I include myself in that sweeping statement your Honours-guilty as charged. I like writing about these things, but am well aware that if people thought 'oh no, another race report' and stopped reading then they might miss out on my witticisms and highly informative photo captions. I see it as my public duty in a way to lure my loyal (ahem) readership into my pretentiously woven web of wordsmithery through tactics, the more devious the better, such as those that have kept you reading this far without actually learning anything useful or interesting. 

So, without further adieu, here are some facts to make this seem like a proper thoughtful blog post.

Border City Wheelers Hill Climb up Hartside, Melmerby:

• One of the highest roads in the country topping out at around 1900ft.
• 4.9miles climbing approx 1300ft at an average gradient of 5.1%.
• Previous performances: 3rd last year in 18:40something VAM around 1200/1300 (google it).
• This performance: 4th in 18:26 VAM around 1300.
• Some rough number crunching suggests power of 350-370W for today, which would be a PB by a loooong way so yay for not racing with a power meter :(
• Strava (yeah 3 KOMs, no biggie. Just pointing that out. Who cares about results when you have KOMs!) I'm serious. Not really. But I do like getting KOMs. 

All in all not a bad morning's work. I was only 6s off James Dobbin, which is a pretty big deal. He's a former National Hill Climb champ and has a few course records I'd like to nab in the future (when I stop eating cake) so ignoring the fact that he probably had a bad day I'm pretty pleased! Talking of bad days, I'm lucky enough to very rarely experience them; but within the first minute today I was convinced the patron saint of Massive Peaks in Form was having a lie in. Thick, heavy, slow legs had me struggling to make much headway at all up the first third or so of the climb (an impression confirmed by comparing GPS data from last year) but luckily eased for the finale resulting in me overhauling myself (so to speak) by a decent margin by the finish.

Speaking of TT bikes, (lazy irrelevant segway) I used mine today. Last year I did it on my road bike but with an 50/82mm wheel combo and on finishing thought 'damn, should have been on the TT bike.' Today I used the TT bike with the same wheel combo and on reaching the first bend thought 'damn, should have been on the road bike.' Ho hum. Thanks to today's tailwind however (bit stronger than last year I think), once I reached the shallower gradients towards the top I was (relatively) flying along which managed to compensate for my earlier wallowings. 

An interesting example of the gamble that is equipment choice. I went slower on the steeper bits (heavier bike) but faster on the shallower bits (aero position) resulting in an overall faster time than last year. But...the question is, as all the people that beat me where on road bikes today, would I have gone significantly quicker on the steeper bits and still pretty quick towards the top and been overall quicker? 

Answers on a postcard. 

I've got to wait a year now to find out. Balls.

Have a gander at a pic or two on my Instagram if you fancy.

In the meantime, here is a picture of me getting soggy feet in another hill climb earlier this week: 

I'm not in pain, I'd just ridden through some wet cow shit on a sparkly clean bike and was rather upset. It's not rain, they're tears.

I'm a man of many talents, I hold a mean umbrella.

A strange shape loomed out of the mist making progress into the wind reminiscent of Jens when he explodes.

Rather him than me! Dad obviously thought I was going faster as I'm still out of shot. Ahem.

Extensive wind tunnel testing has shown that riding with one arm raised and one knee sticking out is, in fact, very aero.

Got a tenner for my troubles an'all! Though you'll have to trust me on that thanks to Mr.Wet Jacket ruining my presentation photo-op. Oh and the cakes were excellent.

Not that they'll read this (well, it's possible but unlikely)-but a big thanks to Border City Wheelers for organising such a good event and for timekeepers/pushers off for braving the conditions!