'Sagan: I am Robot'

It has emerged today that Liquigas-Cannondale wunderkind Peter Sagan is in fact a robot. Suspicions were aroused during the finale of yesterday's stage of the Amgen Tour of California where, despite puncturing with about 6km to go, he won the stage in thrilling style. 

Sagan was busted during dope control when the testers noticed he actually did have legs of steel. UCI Rule #029290832 Paragraph 756 Sub section FU says: "competitors shall not have actual legs of steel, only rumours of legs of steel will be allowed to circulate." UCI President P.McQuaid: "I'm glad we've finally uncovered one of these RobotRiders, we've been convinced for a few years now that approximately 68% of the Peloton is in fact metal. I would like to take this opportunity to send out a strong message : The UCI will not tolerate Cyborg-Doping. Or any form of doping. But especially Cyborg-Doping as that is one we can actually easily uncover with a hammer, no need for expensive lab tests." 

P.Sagan was not available for comment. Possibly as he has already been melted down and incorporated into Ivan Basso in a desperate attempt by Liquigas to get him to win something.

This raises other questions; for example maybe the UCI were looking in the wrong place when they scanned Fabian Cancellara's bike looking for motors-maybe they should have been scanning his legs. He said himself when questioned, 'Yeah I have two motors, one here and one here (gesturing to legs)'. And perhaps there should be mandatory searches of team cars now before stages, as one moto-photographer claims to have seen a comedy sized remote control in the hands of the Liquigas Directeur Sportif in the closing stages of the AToC stage with a big red button marked 'WIN'. These are, of course, just rumours. 

Shifting Gear would like to see the UCI encourage rehabilitation of Riderborgs post ban, and encourage their participation in much the same way that they encourage Women's Professional Cycling. With their current track record, that's probably the best way to get rid of it.






***N.B: Peter Sagan is not actually a robot, don't worry (although it made you think eh? ;D) And none of the above is true, factually correct, or even remotely serious. Well maybe the last bit.***